- Tide pods: That whole challenge thing that went on a few years ago. The one that sent people to the emergency room. I kinda get it… who makes them look like that anyway?
- Gold Fish: Yes, I know. This is just cruel. But… think about it… I know I’m not the only one to think this because. Gold Fish Crackers.
- Fancy Soap: Did you know that the swirled stuff on top of that delectable bar of soap is even called frosting? Why would it be called that if it’s so toxic to your health and wellbeing?
- Nondescript Berries from your Childhood: You know those berries on the plants around your house that your mom was always like DO NOT EAT THOSE YOU WILL DIE. Ya, those.
- Alkali: Powdered sugar can’t be THAT different. Can it?
- Ladybugs: They’re red. Red = delicious in my experience
- Coco Powder: It’s basically chocolate. Isn’t it??? Wrong. You will cough brown dust on your surroundings and misfortuned fellow-beings.
- String of Pearl Plants: They look like peas. So I bet they’re peas.
- Liquid Fire Starter: It looks like that strawberry syrup for ice cream. And it’s red.
- Toothpaste: It’s sparkly and blue and it even tastes like. Clean. Wouldn’t it be so easy to just yell “Base-on-Fire” and swallow it? But then you would have call (800)-222-1222.
- Those Scented Crayola Markers: Especially the black one. It smells like vanilla. Like come on, Crayola. Give us a chance.
- Crisco: Don’t be fooled. This is not frosting. I think the label should say that.
- Cotton Balls: Cloud. Which now that I think about it. Clouds probably taste like wet dust and humidifier breath. Cotton balls are definitely the better choice.
- Marbles: The marbles I had as a kid kinda looked like they had gold fish inside of them so maybe that explains that.
- Bologna: #theothergraymeat
-ck
Writing Sunshine 
Have you considered getting evaluated for the fact that you hunger for inedible things? I’m sure there’s a name for this malady…
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What. You haven’t ever wanted to gulp down a gold fish?? or take a tiny nibble of a vanilla scented marker??
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Goldfish are too small to clean and fry. And if you’re gonna eat em raw – if they went down the wrong way, their fins and tail would tickle. So I don’t think so. And markers? Think of what eating one would do to your tongue and lips. Worse than a blueberry sucker
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But. People inherently eat other things that are somewhat painful and awkward to eat. Like string cheese. And glass candy. So just because it’s unhandy or ticklish doesn’t mean it should be exiled to Things that are Gross.
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