recipe for disaster

For those fortunate workers of the Bethel Home Kitchen, epic disasters are just a part of life. Rarely does a shift pass without something totally bizzare and seemingly impossible befalling the ill-fated victim. Murphy is a known and frequent visitor in the kitchen and the Kitchen Girls have learned to speak of him and his law only in polite whispers. They have no doubts of his existence. On the rare occasions that one would escape a single shift unscathed, mishaps are sure to be lurking around ever corner when the next shift arrives.

Now. For those aspiring to cook in the Bethel Home Kitchen, you will find that even with Murphy present, there are certain elements of disaster that remain in your control. With knowledge of these you can avoid or at least delay what is sure to be coming your way.

Time is the first element to be discussed. Time has a tricky way of speeding up and slowing down most inconveniently. Or mischievously appearing disguised as one or the other. Prepare for either of these to haunt your dreams for the first several weeks as a certified Kitchen Girl. For you as the cook, time does not exist. This proves to be somewhat of a conundrum as everything you attempt is measured in seconds, minutes, and hours. Time. A few of the experienced kitchen workers seem to have mastered this equation quite well though. The honored title, Getting-The-Most-Done-In-The-Least-Time, goes to our wonderful Boss Lady, Sharee. However, Heidi could also provide some good insights on time management as she can complete the job at hand in record time while similtaneously causing chaos for rest of the Kitchen Girls. How does she do it? An unsolved Kitchen mystery.

Gravity is the next element to be considered. Common knowledge tells everyone that it is undoubtedly present in our small world. But for you as the cook, your inner awareness of the gravitational forces is the thin line between success and complete failure. It comes into play in nearly every aspect of cooking. Stirring gravy. Mashing potatoes. Even measuring out the correct portion of peas becomes significantly more difficult when you’re the cook. Just ask Kayann. Gravity also influences aspects that have nothing to do with actual cooking. You cannot possibly expect to step on a grape and continue on your sojourn into the pantry unharmed. (Believe it or not, grapes seem to be the downfall of many Kitchen Girls. Betz and Lanae would be happy to explain.) The Big Mixer is undulely affected by gravity. Lena and Andrea have thoroughly proven this theory to be accurate. Is the corner where IT resides still faintly pink from the infamous red velvet cake incident? Are there still random pinto beans scattered throughout the kitchen?

Speed is another element that should be taken into consideration when cooking. In moderation speed is good and in fact, quite necessary. As in the instance of rushing in and out of the refrigerator before the door swings shut. You can be sure the state of your nervous system will not improve in tiny enclosed spaces. However, large amounts of speed become an issue in the circumstance of, say, mashing potatoes. Or of driving the cart carrying all the ready-to-bake pizzas. Or of rushing from the freshly mopped kitchen floor onto the linoleum floor of the pantry. Jolie is our seasoned expert on the speed to disaster ratio.

Dealing with the aftermath of disasters is a whole different situation. Morgan will tell you that yelling at the coffee maker does nothing to stop it from running over. The Honored Big Mixer has never been known to listen to any advice either. Muttered, screeched, or otherwise. No amount of shrieking will keep the Cool Whip containers from falling on your head. Or the freezer from being cold. Or Tara from turning the fridge light off on you.

But, like I said, for the Kitchen Girls, disasters are merely a fraction of what is entailed by working at Bethel Home. Catastrophes would be missed in their absence, whether we admit it or not. Misfortunes that have befallen us in the past become only hilarious memories as the pain and/or embarrassment of the occasion fade away. Bruises heal afterall. Beet juice stains do lighten eventually. Broken bowls are forgotten in the cardboard box at the bottom of the closet. And the Kitchen Girls continue on their merry way, no worse for the wear.

-ck

Disclaimer: I must apologize for this being somewhat of an exclusive topic. To fully appreciate and understand this kitchen insight, message Sharee at (620) 846-0137 to apply for the Bethel Home kitchen.